During my prayer time this morning, I was pouring out my heart to God regarding some of the callings He has placed on my life. I homeschool my kids. I am a Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) Children's Leader. I co-lead a prayer group to start a new BSF class for Young Adults in Portland. I am a part-time Children's Pastor for a church plant. Sound like a lot?
I want to make this SUPER clear. I am NOT attempting to earn my way to heaven. I am not trying to impress God. I am not trying to impress man. Jesus Christ has called me to each of these things. I love Jesus Christ more than I love anything or anyone. I would do anything for Him. Each calling has been clear, and it's only every once in awhile that I question any of them.
This morning was one of those times. Lately I have felt so incapable and broken, a feeling I don't enjoy. I want to have it all together. I want my bathroom to be clean all the time and my laundry to be folded AND put away. Kneeling in prayer, telling the God of the universe these things, I glanced over to see a super cheesy kids nativity scene, the Mary figure with a serene smile on her face.
Mary. She sure was called to do something that probably made her feel more than a little incapable and possibly even broken. What was her response? The Bible doesn't record her saying, "I don't want to do that because it's going to be too hard." Or "What about my family? Won't they suffer during this process?" (Think about her parents!)
She asked a question. "How will this be, since I am a virgin?" (Luke 1:34)
Questioning God is not wrong. She got an answer. God is going to accomplish this. "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy - the Son of God."
My question is usually, "How am I going to do all this, Lord?"
God's answer is always the same and not all that dissimilar to the one He gave Mary. "You aren't. I am going to do it by the power of the Holy Spirit in you. I am going to orchestrate all of this. You just show up and be willing."
Mary's response at this point is stunning. "Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word." (Luke 1:38)
What is my response when God calls me to do things that are bigger than myself? Well, I'm not as cool as Mary, but I'm certainly looking harder at her example, praying for more Jesus in me, that I will depend entirely on Him to accomplish all this. I'm even leaning into those feelings of inadequacy and brokenness. If it is abundantly clear that I cannot do all this, then it must be Someone Else who is accomplishing these things. God doing things that only God can do means God gets all the glory. Amen.
Enjoyed this a lot Amy.... Two things come to mind as I hear your brokenness. One is the comparison between Mary and Martha, the other is that you continue to "lean in" (your words!) to your brokenness. You have awesome strength but remember His strength is perfected in weakness.... Okay that was three things! I pray this doesn't come across as too direct, I come from a place of great brokenness myself and have grown to rejoice in it... Love you friend!
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