During my prayer time this morning, I was pouring out my heart to God regarding some of the callings He has placed on my life. I homeschool my kids. I am a Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) Children's Leader. I co-lead a prayer group to start a new BSF class for Young Adults in Portland. I am a part-time Children's Pastor for a church plant. Sound like a lot?
I want to make this SUPER clear. I am NOT attempting to earn my way to heaven. I am not trying to impress God. I am not trying to impress man. Jesus Christ has called me to each of these things. I love Jesus Christ more than I love anything or anyone. I would do anything for Him. Each calling has been clear, and it's only every once in awhile that I question any of them.
This morning was one of those times. Lately I have felt so incapable and broken, a feeling I don't enjoy. I want to have it all together. I want my bathroom to be clean all the time and my laundry to be folded AND put away. Kneeling in prayer, telling the God of the universe these things, I glanced over to see a super cheesy kids nativity scene, the Mary figure with a serene smile on her face.
Mary. She sure was called to do something that probably made her feel more than a little incapable and possibly even broken. What was her response? The Bible doesn't record her saying, "I don't want to do that because it's going to be too hard." Or "What about my family? Won't they suffer during this process?" (Think about her parents!)
She asked a question. "How will this be, since I am a virgin?" (Luke 1:34)
Questioning God is not wrong. She got an answer. God is going to accomplish this. "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy - the Son of God."
My question is usually, "How am I going to do all this, Lord?"
God's answer is always the same and not all that dissimilar to the one He gave Mary. "You aren't. I am going to do it by the power of the Holy Spirit in you. I am going to orchestrate all of this. You just show up and be willing."
Mary's response at this point is stunning. "Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word." (Luke 1:38)
What is my response when God calls me to do things that are bigger than myself? Well, I'm not as cool as Mary, but I'm certainly looking harder at her example, praying for more Jesus in me, that I will depend entirely on Him to accomplish all this. I'm even leaning into those feelings of inadequacy and brokenness. If it is abundantly clear that I cannot do all this, then it must be Someone Else who is accomplishing these things. God doing things that only God can do means God gets all the glory. Amen.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
De-Cluttering Christmas
Thanksgiving came early this year, and I was sad to celebrate it with a chest cold. Usually the day after Thanksgiving sees me pulling out all the decorations and decking the halls with crazy enthusiasm. The chest cold prevented that, keeping me in my pajamas for the bulk of the long weekend. This also resulted in a less than cleanly house for the beginning of the week. Okay, it's pretty messy here right now.
Looking around myself this afternoon while the boys were taking rest time in their rooms, I realized I should clean the house. But I REALLY wanted to decorate for Christmas a bit. I took about fifteen minutes to pack up the Thanksgiving decorations. There just aren't that many of them. Then I headed to the basement to decide what I could possibly add to the mess of my house that would make it feel a bit like Advent without adding clutter.
And I found it. Our nativity scene. Easy. Clear off the dining room table. Bang. Instant Christmas. But for whatever reason, I found myself pulling the figures out before I had cleaned up the mess. I placed them in the center of the table with all my junk just lying there, my coffee cup, my car keys, my "To Do" lists, my bags of ministry junk, and the pile of partially opened mail. And it was perfect, so perfect I had to take a picture.
There is Christ in the center. And there is all my garbage behind him. Seriously, people. It's a snapshot of my life! I'm just never going to be cleaned up enough to come to Jesus on my own merit. So I will approach Him just the way I am, broken and with baggage, trusting in His work on the Cross to save me, clean me and keep me.
Not only that, it seems like Christmas comes with clutter, the decorating, the baking, the shopping, the visiting, the ministry events. Oh, yes I did. I just clumped ministry with shopping. Why? Because sometimes I put it on my to do list and it is less an act of worship and more a box to check off. That is no good. How do I, how do we, move from checking the box to worshipping the Newborn King?
I think a good place to start is by setting Christ in the center, regardless of the junk that fills the rest of our lives. I love early morning quiet time, but I don't kick myself when it doesn't happen. Some of my most heartfelt prayers are hollered aloud to Jesus in the midst of my insane life homeschooling two boys, all three of us on the verge of tantrums. Don't try to clean up your business and then get focused on Jesus. It won't work. You'll be worse off and no closer to God for all your efforts. In fact, you will be farther and more focused on yourself. My prayer for this Season is that my heart will be soft, my worship will be authentic, and my "To Do" list will be eclipsed by His love for me and those around me.
Looking around myself this afternoon while the boys were taking rest time in their rooms, I realized I should clean the house. But I REALLY wanted to decorate for Christmas a bit. I took about fifteen minutes to pack up the Thanksgiving decorations. There just aren't that many of them. Then I headed to the basement to decide what I could possibly add to the mess of my house that would make it feel a bit like Advent without adding clutter.
And I found it. Our nativity scene. Easy. Clear off the dining room table. Bang. Instant Christmas. But for whatever reason, I found myself pulling the figures out before I had cleaned up the mess. I placed them in the center of the table with all my junk just lying there, my coffee cup, my car keys, my "To Do" lists, my bags of ministry junk, and the pile of partially opened mail. And it was perfect, so perfect I had to take a picture.
There is Christ in the center. And there is all my garbage behind him. Seriously, people. It's a snapshot of my life! I'm just never going to be cleaned up enough to come to Jesus on my own merit. So I will approach Him just the way I am, broken and with baggage, trusting in His work on the Cross to save me, clean me and keep me.
Not only that, it seems like Christmas comes with clutter, the decorating, the baking, the shopping, the visiting, the ministry events. Oh, yes I did. I just clumped ministry with shopping. Why? Because sometimes I put it on my to do list and it is less an act of worship and more a box to check off. That is no good. How do I, how do we, move from checking the box to worshipping the Newborn King?
I think a good place to start is by setting Christ in the center, regardless of the junk that fills the rest of our lives. I love early morning quiet time, but I don't kick myself when it doesn't happen. Some of my most heartfelt prayers are hollered aloud to Jesus in the midst of my insane life homeschooling two boys, all three of us on the verge of tantrums. Don't try to clean up your business and then get focused on Jesus. It won't work. You'll be worse off and no closer to God for all your efforts. In fact, you will be farther and more focused on yourself. My prayer for this Season is that my heart will be soft, my worship will be authentic, and my "To Do" list will be eclipsed by His love for me and those around me.
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